alot.: Drawing Dangerous D

Everyone who knows me knows that I love to draw. But not many people know what a constant struggle it is for me to apply my ass to a chair and actually produce interesting work. I usually draw when I'm feeling creative, which can happen after I get "triggered" (yeah, like a drug addict) by something I see on TV or read, or if I just start to think about drawing or painting, I get all excited and can't not draw. And sometimes I feel bored and listless for days without understanding why, but then I realise that I haven't created something in a long time, and once I do I feel better.

When I get these bursts of creative energy, I go and create (painting, drawing, crochet, cooking, whatever) for a few hours. I put my head down and forget about everything else in the world: I forget to eat, to drink, to go to the bathroom. I don't feel tired or hungry, all that matters is what I'm doing at that moment. I liken it to a kind of meditative state. When I come out of it, I usually feel quite satisfied and relaxed (not to mention exhausted, starving and desperate to pee).

And all that is fine, I'm not complaining, usually my best work happens in one of these sessions. But the problem comes when I want to make something that can't be done in one afternoon. Like a comic, or an epic painting, or a novel. These things require time and patience and planning, but more importantly: controlled creativity. Any fool can feel inspired and make a cute slogan or a hum a catchy tune, but what happens when you don't feel inspired?

I find that (wait for it) nothing happens.

When I don't feel the itch (again, like a drug addict) I don't create. And that's why I get all listless and don't know what to do with myself every now and then. I'm getting much better though. Having a job in graphic design really helped me harness that thing that I have (good taste?) that makes it possible for me to be a good creative. And that is the crux of it: it seems that I only "work hard" at being creative when it's on someone else's dime.

Many years ago, maybe I was still in high school, I thought it would be cool to make my own graphic novel. I've been flirting with that idea for nine years. I read books, I sketched, I read more books, I read wikihow articles, I even mapped out a few story ideas. Then, about a month ago, my sister had a birthday coming up, and she wrote this blog post. This inspired me, I wasn't working at the time and I had this crazy idea to make a comic book for my sister on her birthday, with her as the star. In a week.

Long story short: I did it. 16 pages full colour. I missed my deadline by two days, but she didn't mind once she saw it. I worked non-stop for seven days, going on job interviews and doing freelance work at the same time. I bought ink and paper, planned, sketched, inked (with a brush, not a pen), scanned, Photoshopped and layed out every single page. It didn't take me an afternoon, and believe me it came to a point where I did not even want to look at this thing. But I did it. I'm not trying to brag, my point is: I've been planning (hoping) to do something like this for years, but as soon it wasn't just for me, but for someone else, I finally got my shit together and just powered through until it was done. I don't know what's been stopping me all this time, but now I feel like I can do it. For myself.